hypotheticaliticery: if you live a life without regret then you are either an asshole or you have alzheimer's disease, maybe even both, but never neither. regret isnt a virtue, but lack of regret shows either an unforgivable indifference to yourself and others or the personality of a self-appointed deity. equally shitty is a superficial apology designed to cover your failure to aknowledge your larger mistakes. "Oh Jen, I'm sorry I made you watch me kill your babies." whats wrong with this apologetic statement? yes, it must have been pretty disgusting for jen to watch me kill her babies, but what i find even more disgusting is my failure to actually apologize for killing her babies. if i were jen, id rather have elmer never speak to me again than recieve that halfassed apology. if i never spoke to her again, for all jen knows i could just be too ashamed of my crime to talk about it ever again; with my apology, my utter indifference to the act is flamingly clear. jen and i were friends once, but friendship is a huge investment. true friendship is founded upon trust and all that quantumshit, but how could anyone ever trust a babykiller, especially a babykiller hiding behind a mask of humanistic piety? why would anybody ever be friends with somebody who does hurricane relief in new orleans and preaches elevated codes of morality, then turns around and with the same hands and mouth throttles and eats children? even if we live in a world which allows cannibalism, because anything is better than having sex and giving each other stds, i cant let it go, because elmer isnt sorry he killed my babies. but still, we can be friends right? elmer and jen have been acting normally ever since the incident, though hell knows whats going in their separate minds, and most people dont even know jen ever had babies, somehow. it's almost like nothing ever happened, kinda like that movie the forgotten na mean? but the mom remembers, and she flips a bitch. but jen cant flip a bitch because she exists within an elaborately structured social webwork unlike the mom in forgotten, who had no friends, and flipping a bitch doesnt do shit because we're dealing with elmer, not aliens. jens been hiding the fact that she had babies from everyone and promised never to talk about them, so now she has to keep her smoldering pile of blasted thoughts and emotions to herself because the first question you would get if you go around saying 'this one asshole killed my babies and im very upset and disappointed' would be "shie son, you had babies?" and that wouldnt be good. so what are elmer and i? nice to each other. friends? ehhh. you killed my fucking babies. k now im elmer. i dont kill babies anymore, i was never actually a full-fledged babyeater. just caught up in the moment that one time i guess. now all i do is go to school and new orleans. a blind retard without legs may say that im a changed person, but the average prokaryote with down syndrome can see that i either just dont get it, or im a coward. at this rate, jens never going to forgive me, not because (nowimjen) im an unforgiving bitch but because theres a fundamental problem elmer isnt getting at. an expression of profound and genuine regret, maybe a little chat, is likely all itd take to fix things. they were crappy babies anyways. but you're sucking, you're saying the wrong things, or nothing at all. 'sorry i made you watch me kill your baby'? WRONG. 'oh damn, did i spill blood on your floor? sorry about that'? WRONG. 'damn this dead baby smells bad, sorry i didnt think doing this would aggravate the olfactory senses to such an extent'? WRONG BITCH. if you address the root issue and douse it with the flaming pesticide of divine repentance, then everything else is a given, but until then you're doing worse than nothing. dont be mad. sorry i killed your baby